Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Homecoming Happenings



Homecoming is either an exciting and fun high school dance or just another night for some people.  Either way, every high school student knows that homecoming always ends up being a sweaty mosh pit of “grinding,” skirts “accidentally” riding entirely too high, men without shirts on, and teachers trying to control the animals… I mean students who are quite possibly under the influence of alcohol or marijuana. This year, just like last, Kennedy has established a set of rules for the homecoming dance coming up in a few weeks.


1. It is expected that all students will wear clothing appropriate for a school event.This rule is actually kind of disturbing to me but it’s entirely necessary. Every teenager can tell you the one “classy lady” in each of their classes who doesn’t cover up their goods well enough. Just as easy to identify is homeboy who wears a belt that obviously isn’t serving its purpose well.  Pull your damn pants up! I don’t want to see your entire underwear drawer. Ever. Homecoming doesn’t seem to cause a problem for boys dressing appropriately seeing as they wear dress pants, a dress shirt, and a tie. Not much can go wrong. Unfortunately, for the ladies, life isn’t that easy. When a couple walks into the dance, the dress on the lady is evaluated and scrutinized much worse than the black pants on the boy. It’s not hard to obey this rule, ladies. Just go get a nun costume from your local Halloween store and call it good for the night.


2.  It is expected that clothing will be worn as intended at all times. Boys are expected to keep their shirts on. Girls are expected to keep their dresses and skirts at the intended length. Pulling skirts/dresses up is unacceptable.
There is nothing worse than going home after homecoming and have your mom ask if you had fun when the only thing you can think about is that trashy girl who had her dress up so high, you could give a detailed description of her thong. Not one person, REPEAT, not ONE person wants to see your cooka* ladies. Pull your dress down. Personally, boys taking off their shirts are the least of this school’s worries. In fact, I don’t think it’s a worry at all. Bow chicka wow wow.


3.  It is expected that all students will dance appropriately. Simulating sex acts, dancing with hands on the ground, etc. are inappropriate.
Leave your hands on your knees while you’re grinding… I mean dancing… and there. Problem avoided. No seriously though, just don’t have sex on the dance floor, y’all. I don’t think that’s too much to ask for from you.


All in all, these rules are stupid and shouldn’t have been put in place cause their all common sense. Don’t be dirty, little, teenage sluts and we won’t have any sort of problem.

*cooka is a slang term for the female reproductive organ (No-no parts)

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